So this is a blog I put out on MySpace a while ago but I thought I would republish it here so you can understand where I am coming from. I will be blogging here from now on and about twice a week.
One of my first memories is when I was 8 or 9 my mom left my dad for a woman. Now I did not know or understand the feelings she was having or how hard it is to live a lie. I can remember the night I found out they were getting a divorce . We were moving my bed around in my room in kayseville UT. They were yelling back and forth and my mom said "I can't wait till we get a divorce". That hurt. So I lived with my dad for the rest of my childhood.
Now I don't know the exact day I realized I was gay. I believe no one can know you just are. I grew up LDS and if you don't know they have a strong intolerance for gays. I remember sitting in seminary and being attracted to some of my fellow classmates but the teacher saying it was evil and that it was not natural. So I had to keep my feelings secret. One night I thought for sure I would be caught cause my dad found out that I was looking at porn. But he did not look at what type it was. Well I made it through high school with out to much trouble. I really belive more people knew but did not say anything.
My first year of college was up at Utah State. September 11th happened and I reevaluated my life and started attending gay pride where I met my first boy friend Josh. Well we went out for about 3 months and I thought I was in love. Well all of the suddenly he broke up with me. I was so devastated I went to my LDS bishop and he said that I felt so bad cause these homosexual feelings were not correct. And he told me that the way to get rid of it was to go on a mission and then come home and get married.
I did that even though I felt like I was teaching something that I did not agree with. I got home and got married right after to a very nice lady. We were married for about 2 years and then I could not handle it anymore so I came out and we got divorced. I have a bad taste in my mouth for the church for some bogus advice given to me. So now I'm out and happy. I try to be politically involved.
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Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI'm very proud of you for speaking your truth. Life can be hard at times, but if you are true to yourself, hold your head up and keep moving forward, it's a great ride. Definetley not what any of us thought our life would be like, but a wonderful amazing journey. I'm so glad that I had the pleasure of being a part of your life.
I love you and I am so proud of you,
Margo
The church didn't ruin your ex-wife's life Andrew. You made that choice. They might have had a great influence on your decisions, but you made that choice KNOWING you were gay. There is no way you can blame that decision on the church. Hate them, your choice. But you knew far before you were married that you were gay, and if you didn't believe in the stuff you taught on your mission you definately knew you shouldn't have married Tami. Don't pass blame. It is hard having such a huge weight of a culture and religion against what your sexual orientation. Yes, not disregarding that fact. Just saying. The church didn't do that to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd P.S. The church doesn't HATE gays.
Ok just so you know Melissa when I wrote this it was the day after prop 8 so I was a little mad. Yes I was the one who made those choices but I was also doing it under false pretenses that it would cure me as he said.
ReplyDeleteI understand that you trusted his advice, and it was not good advice. I get that. There just comes a point where you make your own choices according to who you are and not other social cues. We all have that problem, that of listening to ourselves above all else. And I am glad you feel that you are doing that now and feel happy. I just hate blaming others on our own choices. And although the church has taken a stand on this issue in Prop 8, you cannot say that they HATE gay people. It just flat out isn't true. No matter what kind of media junk is out there. That is all. Love your face.
ReplyDeleteok i think I like my revisions now they are more PC and not wrote in a moment of frustration.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want you to change your blog. If you feel that way, you do. I can't change that. You can write things in frustration, thats fine. And there is still no "strong intolerance" it has nothing to do with that. It is a complete different belief system is all. And that is okay to believe different things. It effects you, and hurts you, yes. But not all belief systems please everyone. You are open minded, so understand that not everyone believes the same thing, and that is okay.
ReplyDelete;)